end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
