Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
