for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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