finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
