I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
