my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
