He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
