Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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