I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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