how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
