i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
