I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
