I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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