you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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