i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
