did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
