I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
