so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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