So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
