if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
