You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
