When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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