Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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