drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
