If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
