There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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