When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
