i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize