I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
