why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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