The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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