Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
