I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
