I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
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