I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
