I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
