I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The beer is more important than you right now.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize