1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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