she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
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