all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
