Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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