Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
