last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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