You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
