last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
