Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
