You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
