I must be too annoying 4 u.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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