my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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