We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
