do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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