Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
