i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
