I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
