his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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