He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
