do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
