i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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