I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
