apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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