I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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