Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize