The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
