remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize