Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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